Hi…I’m Roxanne and I am a stresspot.
Anxiety is a well known friend of mine and it’s a friendship I could probably do without. But then I think…what would I be…who would I be without it?
This may sound a little mellow dramatic but hear me out a second. Who would I be if I didnt lie awake at night making lists in my head, so scared I may forget something. Or sit in class and mull over each and EVERY project I have lined up and each and EVERY part of EVERY module I have that I am battling with. Then there are the days when your mom is not replying to your messages or sends one-worded responses or when you feel so sick in your stomach because you haven’t been to gym the past week and you feel like your skin is bulging over your tights and your arms feel like they flap when you wave or my absolute worst…when your pants get caught under your bum when you’re pulling them up (come on ladies, we all know this far too well).
Little things. But as every anxious or anxiety-prone person would know…these are the things that can very quickly define us.
I guess you could say a bit of my anxiety flares from areas I can’t even pinpoint. You know, when you feeling a little stressed out and something is eating away at the back of your mind and you feel a constant clench in your stomach but you have NO IDEA what it is. This is something my friend Amy calls “feeling App” (App being short for apprehensive – duh). App is real. It is so so so real. It tends to flare when you’re having a fight with your boyfriend and you’re stuck with nitty-gritty whatsapp messages, or you’re worried about wether you will have enough allowance left to buy food or that ticket to We Love Summer or the lunch you planning on having with the crew. Another horrible trigger for this evil little “bug” is when you think someone is unhappy with you…or you think you have offended someone or said the wrong thing – this is something that can cause some serious stomach clenching for me. Then there are the basics : tests, exams (don’t we all know it), family feuds, traffic, time management, social anxiety etc.
Right now, at this point of my life, I am facing constant waves of App. It involves the fact that I have not been to gym in 2 weeks even though my gym is literally a minutes walking distance – this of course making anything I try on an absolute disaster because as us ridiculous female species do…we think we have picked up a ton. This unfortunately controls a lot of how I feel and how my stress levels are managed (a blog post on this topic soon to follow). I do not exactly eat (App tends to do this to you too). The work load we are getting this year for my degree which involves learning a new language, making items such as awareness dolls, activity MATS, beanbags, skipping ropes, balancing apparatus, makeshift bats and balls etc…and FIVE story books which have to be DRAWN and coloured on A3 card, each being about 15pages long (did I mention I cannot draw to save my life? And how LONG this is going to take). On top of this, I am looking for a job to earn a little extra and keep myself busy so I don’t have time to over think things or go mad.
Now…how do we get trough this App and anxiety and stress and these sleepless evenings?We pray.
Every morning. Every evening. You pray.
Pray for strength to carry your cross everyday. Pray for wisdom to make the right decisions. Pray for courage to face what lies ahead of you. Pray for patience to wait for what is right for you and what God has so carefully planned JUST for you.
Pray. For yourself and those loved ones of yours who also wake up every morning having no idea where to even start.
He will hear you and He will LISTEN (in my degree have learned about the big difference between the two)!
Keep up the good work. Don’t look at how far you have to go, look at how far you have come.